i was reading through a journal from my first year back at BU.
i wrote over and over again about how i couldn't breathe.
i don't know what i meant exactly. but i'm afraid of the same thing happening again
i spoke to sonny about it.
"if i can't breathe..."
i was texting with mia last night. each of us in our own rooms, a few feet apart. we are funny.
i asked what would happen if i couldn't breathe when i moved
her response was profound
and opened my eyes to the process that i have gone through many times before without realizing the circularness of it.
great change has come with each move and each new overarching situation i find myself in.
it begins with a season of being unable to breathe, then a greater level of dependence on jesus as i gasp for air. from there comes a new understanding of myself, my insecurities, my sin--dealing with the things that clog my airway. finally a time of repentance, refreshing, change--the air is clear, my lungs are full. and usually, i move again.
i've worked through so many things in my life this way.
i hope it's not my pattern forever--but i'll take it if that's what keeps me moving forward.
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