i.love.teaching.ballet.

i remember vaguely feeling this way last fall. but i mostly remember being terrified by all the newness of my job and feeling deeply the fear my students were enduring being in a completely new environment. i see the nerves and fear in my dear little freshies this year. bless their hearts. i'm hoping and praying that my security  in who i am and what i have to offer eases the tension sooner than last year...

it was eye opening last spring when one of my girls asked, "so, do you like this class now?" what do you say to that? i never disliked it...i was just trying to find myself, i suppose. i have formed a deep bond between those kids with whom i traveled that path of firsts. i love them fiercely and they love me. i will do anything in my power to see them succeed in all that God has for them.

looking around my room of aspiring ballerinas (and my hilarious boys who are talented, but so clueless...) today i was reminded of how far my kids from last year had come. there are a thousand nuances, ideas, concepts and pet peeves to be learned by my new kids. i felt so overwhelmed, i simply skipped certain exercises (like frappes, for example) deciding they needed small doses of ms. gordon at a time. dissertations on the importance of the wrapped foot can wait. i want so badly for them to stay open and ready to receive what i have to offer. the differences in how we teach at bu compared to what most of them have received is often a turn off and i see the hardness to new ideas in the beginning. i encountered more attitudes today than i hope to for the rest of the year. i am amazed at what boundaries, spoken or not, do for the insecure, stone faced, high noses i usually encounter on day one. under that exterior is usually a frightened little dancer eager to please and improve. 

 the blossoming process, though sometimes long and drawn out, is so very rewarding. for now i'm in a frenzy to learn their names before ballet mag starts and i have a new set of 30 girls staring at me in (sweet ;) defiance.

i kind of set out to articulate within this post the joys of working within one's anointing and calling...oh well. i'll try again another day. i have a lot to say about that "sweet spot" idea.

no guilt in life, no fear in death.
these words have been running in circles in my head.

also

i saw a poster that said:
the meaning of life
1. be happy
2. make other people happy

and it got me thinking...in what way can i sum up the meaning of my life so simply?
this is what i came up with...kind of the culmination of my experience with the lord this summer (intense study and life based on phil. 3)
the meaning of my life:
1. love God
2. help others to love God

first day of school tomorrow. *excited*

i had nightmares all night
of babies being shot before my eyes
nephews being ripped away
mothers crying

and oddly...twins. adult twins talking to their mother

i woke up breathing hard with tears running down my cheeks...confused
until i opened my blog
please pray with me

http://rachelsuzking.blogspot.com/

i wrote this 4 years ago today

"it's like casting your net out and waiting to see what comes back.
you absolutely know there is so much out there
but you have no idea what's going to come floating in
tangled up in the net of emotions, circumstances and times
you just wait for the net to get so heavy that you're about to drop it
and then you pull, knowing it's going to be full and beyond what you imagined"

today my heart rejoices in his goodness, and my cup is running over, and my imagination has been blown repeatedly