sometimes i wonder why i'm still spinning circles in the exact same spot
it's frustrating, humbling, and terrifying
but god reminded me that the circles are different and new each time
carrying me, if i let them, in wider arcs, closer to correctness
closer to the path he has
maybe less circular
more linear
my desire is great
my will is weak
and my god is bigger still than all of these

H. Thompson

“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, 

but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy $*!#…what a ride!’”

                yes.

"i love you. hold onto that."

if--r. kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

old people and facebook

a hilariously entertaining combination

the last two days have been unexpected.
there have been surprises from students
and surprises in me
unexpected reactions, assumptions and realizations

it's quite an adventure

i love looking at the wall of 15 girls all in black and pink doing the exact same thing

achestopbreathe

i cannot describe this day
i will not try
my head is full
my heart is secure
i know i will do it

there is always a sadness in change
masked in joy and anticipation though it may be
and sorrow must be lived out
anguish must be softened into
must be learned from
and grown because of

melancholy finds me
and stays
shaping me into the next portion of myself

i am content to walk through
to not run away
but accept and learn from as much as possible
to envelope and incorporate
every experience into myself

opening more and more to who i will become

yes.

it's been a trying week
many decisions
lots of jet lag
very little sleep
much pain and happiness
unnumbered tears

your prayers are appreciated

i made it to jackson
and i am relieved and overwhelmed
so much to do!

for my non-fb friends

 today was even more absurd then the other days i've tried. the line to check in wrapped entirely around the huge check in counters and snaked out in a u-shape to keep from making a complete circle back to where it all started. so in short, i'm still in japan! dad is now trying to purchase a ticket for me for saturday. your continued prayers for my eventual arrival in jackson are greatly appreciated (as well as for money to take care of this). also, if you could pray that i don't start burning delta buildings, employees and planes upon my next venture to the airport, that would be wonderful. :-D

in happier news, i had a wonderful time riding in the car with andreas and isaac today. they held my hands most of the way there. i know these precious times won't last too much longer. they are growing up so fast! 

trying to stay positive.

tonight micah bought a headband thing and was trying it on around midnight. she got carried away and did full makeup on her face. she's crazy.

the captions are dad's running commentary at 1 am.

"micah, just from the neck up,you're freaking me out.
i don't know where you came from."

"i think you might be adopted. did you
know...(proceeds with mostly unrelated topic)"

(abandoning previous topic)
"...but you know, you look the most like uncle frank..."

ah, so much fun to stay up late and laugh.

refusing stress and accepting peace.

walking not flying

not getting on flights is a stretching experience for my control freak tendencies

ticked off at how powerless i am

i've come home to wait it out instead of spending money going back and forth to different places. i'm happy to be home. just not liking not knowing what's going to happen for certain.

me becoming ok with life in the dining room

reliance on god in my most helpless times is hard for me. highlights of my self reliance have been coming all too frequently for comfort and i am thankful for this opportunity to trust his plan and not mine. your prayers are coveted.

last act of service

SOCKS!!!!!

(WE WON)