adulthood

i think what i'm experiencing currently is something akin to buyer's remorse. what am i doing here? why did i leave behind what i did?  does what i'm dong right now matter? where am i going?

the answers to all of those questions are remarkably positive so i've taken quite some time to answer them over the last weeks. to keep the panic from taking over (and to keep from heading back to texas (or japan...which has been unexpected)) i keep focusing on the facts that 1)i'm teaching and dancing in a place that was prepared for me long before i arrived and am living out a huge part of my destiny, 2)there are bigger things for me than bsa had to offer, 3)i speak into lives on a daily basis and take this privilege very seriously. these students are the future...that's pretty huge, and 4)i'm not going anywhere...and that's new and ok and wonderful.

i'm not going anywhere. i'm here. for, perhaps, the first time in my life i am stopping to be. and grow. and grow things up beyond growing myself. for the moment i've stopped asking, "what next? where to now?"