adulthood

i think what i'm experiencing currently is something akin to buyer's remorse. what am i doing here? why did i leave behind what i did?  does what i'm dong right now matter? where am i going?

the answers to all of those questions are remarkably positive so i've taken quite some time to answer them over the last weeks. to keep the panic from taking over (and to keep from heading back to texas (or japan...which has been unexpected)) i keep focusing on the facts that 1)i'm teaching and dancing in a place that was prepared for me long before i arrived and am living out a huge part of my destiny, 2)there are bigger things for me than bsa had to offer, 3)i speak into lives on a daily basis and take this privilege very seriously. these students are the future...that's pretty huge, and 4)i'm not going anywhere...and that's new and ok and wonderful.

i'm not going anywhere. i'm here. for, perhaps, the first time in my life i am stopping to be. and grow. and grow things up beyond growing myself. for the moment i've stopped asking, "what next? where to now?"

glee is becoming my sunshine...

i've got nothing

if you remain silent
i will be like those who have gone down to the pit

28.1

resonance

a friend quoted this:
"For we are so little reconciled to time that we are even astonished at it. 'How he's grown!' we exclaim, 'how time flies!' as though the universal form of our experience were again and again a novelty. It is as strange as if a fish were repeatedly surprised at the wetness of water. And that would be strange indeed; unless of course the fish were destined to become, one day, a land animal." C.S. Lewis

then said this:
"I can never seem to get reconciled to making sense of this existence where there is past and present...presence and absence."

i concur. though he was speaking of absence in the sense of death, it made me think of the ache that constantly exists in me for people and countries. i think there will come a time when we are wholly present everywhere at all times. that is something extraordinary to look forward to. 

some days i find myself searching for connections
anything to make sense
to connect and draw lines

tonight was a good night of connections.

dear friends lost their little girl in a car accident yesterday.
it's hard to make sense of what has happened
please pray.

God nowhere holds a person responsible for having the heredity of sin, and does not condemn anyone because of it. Condemnation comes when I realize that Jesus Christ came to deliver me from this heredity of sin, and yet I refuse to let Him do so. -o.c.

sometimes i have to stop and figure out if i need to think about going home for christmas or going home for the summer because i'm confused about what season we're in. it's the cycle i live. time to think about changing it up. if the weather would get organized, that would help too.