resolving

a new year
it feels right 
last new years i remember feeling that the years just melted together, a break undetectable
but this is the beginning of the end of a season
10 and complete

happy new year

merry grown up christmas, world.

today

my day started at 7 am
i studied a bit and went to take my "life" exam
which i passed with flying colors! (13 points above what was needed to pass)
considering i hardly studied, i was pleased with the 83
next i went to cafe green tea and spent some time with precious people who love and feed me! tuna rolls with avocado, tea and croissant.
home to have a good cry that i couldn't get my finger prints done and would have to wait until i return from japan to have my life insurance license processed (chalk the tears up to pms and pre-show stress).
nap
up to go to the theatre
short, very interrupted and messed up warm up
personal worst ever opening night/nutcracker
to the green room for champagne with board of directors
and home to find this on facebook:

Nice to meet you.

I am George who is Japanese guy, currently studying in Australia.
I found you from "How to speak Japanese" community.

I understand that this is so stupid things.
But, I thought that if I do not ask now, I will regret later.
Of course, I usually never do that… Because, I am shy guy and cowardly guy..

Truthfully, I fell in love with you at first sight…
How lovely picture, you and dog. I am dog lover.
And sorry, I could see your some photos.
You are so beautiful..

And, honestly, I am strongly interest you. You are surely so attractive…
I was deeply moved.

I want to be your new Facebook's friend, if you do not mind..
Then, I could know more about you.

You can check my profile. My profile is open to all of users.

But if you have any reasons such as have a boyfriend, married, under 18 and dislike Asian guy, please tell me directly. I do not mind.
I am not stupid man, I am surely a sensible man.
I think that quite hard to give up about you but I have to do it.
Of course, I afraid that you got many love messages from guys...

Finally, I am so sorry to have troubled you…
And also, if you feel so uncomfortable, I am so sorry that too.
I did not have any choice to tell to you about my feeling.
I won’t bother you anymore. I promise.

Finally, I am so glad meet with you on the Facebook.
Thank you read my poor English love letter..

Love,
George

first ever love letter from a stranger on facebook

i have not stopped laughing

tomorrow i will reply with an i'm flattered but no thanks

and we do the whole theatre thing again.

i despise not being home for christmas.

it's taking all of my willpower to stay here
and it will take all of my willpower to make the trek(a long arduous journey) home

ah, to just appear somewhere would be such a useful trick

*(an useful trick??)

watched food, inc. today
terrifying

christmas time is here
and the world feels upside down for the most part
but this is indeed part of growing up

we still have not started our nutcracker
i feel insane about it
i wish we could just get it over with
i have loved seeing everyone's nutcracker pictures on facebook
time to have my own
we will be in the theatre next week.

speaking of insane
gabe, our ballet master gave us the definition of insanity yesterday
(doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results)
and suggested we were all insane because we weren't trying to fix the issues we've been having in flowers but always seem surprised when we get the same corrections.

i didn't mean to but i started laughing hysterically because he was so serious about the whole thing...
which just added to the sense that perhaps i was indeed insane.

for the most part nutcracker is coming along
snow is looking great
and for me chinese continues to improve
so i think we're about ready.

*

remember how big i am
and how big my plan is

today i stopped to think about where life is right now
about how i spend my days
how my minutes are ticked off
and whether or not i'm happy with it.

i'm happy at my jobs
i very much enjoy what i'm doing
but is this enough for life today
or is there more that the lord has for me now?

it's routine checkup time for life
the end of the year is often like that.

abraham heschel

"First of all, let us not misunderstand the nature of prayer... The primary purpose of prayer is not to make requests. The primary purpose of prayer is to praise, to sing, to chant. Because the essence of prayer is a song, and man cannot live without a song."

"I would say about individuals, an individual dies when he ceases to be surprised. What keeps me alive — spiritually, emotionally, intellectually — is my ability to be surprised. I say, I take nothing for granted. I am surprised every morning that I see the sun shine again. When I see an act of evil, I am not accommodated — I don't accommodate myself to the violence that goes on everywhere. I'm still surprised. That's why I'm against it; why I can fight against it. We must learn how to be surprised, not to adjust ourselves. I am the most maladjusted person in society."

i am very much intrigued by this man. i've been inspired to read again.

"We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit."
—e.e. cummings

i'm missing things and places and people these days
sometimes it's frustrating that nothing will ever be in one place this side of eternity
"miss" will always be a way of life...i suppose that's true for everyone in some capacity. 

these weeks are about being alone.

going home is always a sweet reprieve. four weeks.