epiphany

today i realized that the doctors don't know everything...and sometimes they don't know anything.
so continually asking "why" just stresses them out and frustrates us when we can't get a straight answer...though a simple "i don't know" would have smoothed the situation in my opinion...

our babies are very very sick. it's heart breaking. two are off food completely until...well, we don't know. constant IV. no nutrients to speak of. we have no idea what's going on...and i don't think anyone there knows either...

i've asked the lord a lot the last days why we are still there...asking if we can be done with kodomo byoin for good...why do we have to keep coming back to this hospital...and the answer seemed clear enough. each place that we set our foot is ours. it belongs to the kingdom of god. so we will walk all over that hospital. we will talk to as many people as we possibly can. and we will just keep caring until they ask why. we will keep playing hillsongs until they are overwhelmed by his presence. we will keep praying until they know that it makes a difference.

the lord has given us great love and appreciation for the medical staff that care for our kids. as frustrating as the situation can be, they really try to look after them when we cannot be there. so i now spend my days holding babies and praying for the staff that i see more often them my family.

i am most certain te-chan opened one eye yesterday. i saw that tiny pupil focus on me for brief seconds before the barely open lid slid shut again. my god is big enough even for babies with fifteen minutes of oxygen deprivation and barely any brain cells left. how exciting it will be to hear of te-chan's great adventures while in this deep sleep.