pause

we almost lost one of our little guys today
there is nothing as terrifying as the blue of death on a little lifeless body
just yesterday we videoed him laughing hysterically at being tickled
the world stopped for a moment today
before it pounded forward with tiny heart beats
he's on a respirator and there's been no swelling on his brain
his pupils undialated. he's sedated.
i cried and cried as i was allowed to stand over his bed in the ICU
a thousand i'm sorries don't change anything
it wasn't anyone's fault. i know i know
how do you cope with something that was so preventable
there's a reason, there's a reason
i think we've learned quite a bit about the medic system here
maybe we can help change that in some small way
maybe maybe maybe